I met Julien in Vancouver. He is someone that is very close to me, and I really wanted to spend my week there inspiring him about life’s possibilities. In doing so, I actually pushed myself to my limits as well. We had a blast. It wasn’t all smooth sailing, and we had some difficult conversations and personal changes. Here is his story, as seen from my point of view from a client framework.
- Julien was mostly a happy kid growing up. He enjoyed good times with his friends and had his social circle from school.
- However, as he graduated from university, he found the real world difficult to relate to. Not only did he face challenges on the job front, but he also lost his Asian connections that came so easily back in college.
- Things have further compounded by the habits he established 2-3 years out of college. He was in a rut.
- Furthermore, he was a bit reluctant to change his ways. He knew he was going down the wrong path, but it wasn’t painful enough for him to pull the brakes.
- To enable change, I had to motivate and inspire him to do so. The only way I could do this was to show him what he’s missing by being a role model for him.
- There has to be enough of an association to pain of his current state, and an association of pleasure for the future, and for change.
- On the surface it seems like he could use a makeover yes. But his style and outward appearance was masking a deeper problem. He became lazy over the years, and at the core, he just didn’t believe in himself anymore.
- I have to use my similarities to him, and give him examples of others who had it even worse than him, who are not achieving their goals. To do this, I needed to point out the sharp contrast of the life of his “circle” now and the circle that I will be making during the week I am there. This was no easy task, even for a PUA.
3. Recommendations / Action Steps
- One of the very first steps I did was great him warmly and make him feel special. After all, I did travel all the way to chilly Vancouver just to see him.
- I started to talk to him about the things I have been up to, and to prepare him for some of the things he might see me do tonight as it relates to girls and other “strangers”. I showed him photos of my life and what I was able to accomplish. He still seemed a little ambivalent, but he was starting to open up to the possibility of a new life.
- I first took him to the mall to get an extreme makeover. His style sucked, and we asked a couple of girls for their real advice. “Your hair needs work”, “The shirt is ok but the jacket is bad”, “Men must have good shoes!”.
- The way I asked was, “hey girls. I’m shopping with my very good friend. Be honest. You’ll never see us again. What can he do to become more stylish and attractive?”
- Julien ended up with a new shirt, leather jacket, jeans and nice shoes. All under a $400 Canadian Dollar budget. His hair was a longer term project, but for now I added a fedora to top off his look.
- After the first few nights, we started going out to bars. In short, I remember J saying, “Wow. This is Amazing bro! I can’t believe how many girls we were able to talk to and kiss!”
- Now, I needed to sink this new reality into the fabric of his life. I introduced him to a few girls that liked him with an accomplished introduction. He even got a few numbers. Right before I left, he was setting up a date with a cute 21 year old student who happens to have wealthy parents.
A night out in Vancouver:
- He became more comfortable around women.
- He believed more in himself.
- I talked to him during the day about the principles of style, which can be used to develop looks of all sorts.
- In addition to his style, I helped him develop his limiting beliefs about life, and what was possible.
2 nights before our last night together, I asked out a girl I met and Julien came with me. She ended up liking him more than me!
In fact, his more calm demeanor and better style now became a showcase of his personality, instead of a blocker. Julien was warm, friendly, and genuinely interested in other people. This came across to the girl we were with, and she ended up hanging out with him. I couldn’t help the smile on my face as I boarded the plane 2 days later.